 What if I told you that it is possible for you to awaken conscious connection with your partner, by focusing on three new choices? Would you be willing to play?
Often the biggest blocks to creating the relationship shifts that we want is our attachment to how it is and how it's been. Making new choices creates the space for something new to happen. We have to be willing to let go of the past and take a leap into infinite possibilities so that things can be different. 1. Choosing connection over being right is the first powerful new choice that you can make. It's not that you have to let go of knowing you are right, because sometimes you will be. :::insert smiling emoji::: The new choice is not needing your partner to agree. You are two humans with different perspectives and though it can be challenging to accept each other's perspective, letting go of needing to be right can open up space to connect. Think about the last silly argument you had - maybe it was about who forgot to buy the lettuce. Does it truly matter? Give your attention to what really matters to you. Pause right now, smile, and think of three things that you appreciate about your partner and let yourself really feel the appreciation in your body. This is a fast-track move towards the connection that you are craving. I'm not saying you should give up on what is most important to you, I'm suggesting letting go of the things that are no big deal. The big stuff can be faced and handled after you establish more space for connection. 2. Seeing life and your partner as FOR YOU is a dynamic way to shift from being at the effect of life, to being the creator of your experience. Often when Dean and I share this concept that Katie and Gay Hendricks, teach so brilliantly, people feel confused. Why would I see this person or circumstance that is annoying or hurting me as being FOR me? The simplest answer is that this shift of perspective gives us immeasurable gifts. When I choose to see everyone and everything as FOR me, I am able to focus on how I am experiencing what life brings to me rather than draining my energy arguing with what is. When I come into alignment with reality, it opens up space for me to learn more about myself. Most importantly I am taking healthy responsibility for how I choose to relate to life and my partner. Here is an example: I'm super excited about an idea and share it with my partner who makes a comment that feels less than supportive. I am now at choice; I can get angry that they didn't respond with enthusiasm and project onto them, or I can take a breath, let them know I feel sad and ask for what I most want. I can ask my partner if they'd be willing to have a "do-over" and start with some positive feedback if possible. I can also check in with my need for approval or acceptance and see if I can find a place in me that can be excited about an idea even if my partner isn't over the moon about it. This move towards endogenous living is enlivening and empowering. 3. Speak from your inner experience, even about the hard stuff. This is an important choice that will helpl bring you into the present moment. When you speak what feels unarguable to you, you will be in alignment with your whole self which calms the nervous system. What this looks like is: "I feel scared about telling Sue that I don't want to have dinner together" or "I felt angry when you came home late the other night." Because many of us got trained to avoid sharing what is happening inside of us, you might experience some fear before and during expressing. Like all new skills, it gets easier the more you practice. I was taught to 'be nice' which meant that sometimes I would withhold what I really felt about a situation or person and this would cause wobbles inside me. My current commitment to resonant speaking requires me to move through some fear. I choose my integrity and my aliveness over being comfortable and allow myself to express. When we speak about what is happening inside of us, we can let go of the arguable "facts" and simple state what we are experiencing inside of our body. This takes us out of the "figure it out" or "I'm right" brain, into openness to discovery. What is unarguable is a feeling or body sensation such as; I feel my throat tightening or, I feel sad and angry. When partners open up room for each person to presence what is happening for them it allows space for conscious connection. Easy Magic When we both put our whole selves into these commitments and attend to our whole body experiences, something new will happen in our relationship. Be gentle with yourself and your partner as you adopt these new practices. Presencing techniques such as taking three deep belly breaths, or doing Fear Melters®, which are intuitive body movements that are a portal to presence, are essential pathways to creating success. I highly recommend taking a big leap into these commitments and please don't expect yourself to do this perfectly. I have found that it takes many recommitments, lots of messing up, and a good measure of self love and grace for your partner. The rewards are immeasurable. The New Choices:
Michele Yasuda Sassy Visionary of Wholeness Big Leap Coach michele@micheleanddean.com
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 Recently my mentor Kathlyn Hendricks was talking about the concept of how at first the whispers of things in our life that need our attention appear like a feather's tickle, and if we don't face what's showing up, the Universe will eventually deliver the message like a sledgehammer. I have definitely noticed this pattern in my own life and I committed years ago to listening to the feather. I don't always get it right, but for the most part, I've allowed myself to enjoy the ease that comes with facing what is up for me directly before the WHAM of the sledgehammer.
Somewhere that I notice this "feather or the sledgehammer" concept showing up is in the dance of limbo that many people find themselves in with commitment. I've typically been quick to transition into changes and accepting what comes with my decisions. I actively avoid limbo because I know that it's a hazardous place to be navigating. When we're in limbo we aren't fully located and instead are moving our energy between two fields, playing a kind of Hokey-Pokey with our life. I wrote this blog about limbo, if you want to learn more about it. Do you find yourself doing the dance of 'I want to' and 'I don't want to!' about something you have already committed to? Something that deep inside you know you really want? A couple of years ago I noticed a friend was stuck in a pattern of being hijacked by fear and it went something like the following: First, my friend said: "I commit to___________" and then what came next was...
friend says:
Rinse... repeat... over and over again until something interrupts the cycle. This can sometimes be where the feather turns into the sledgehammer because when we aren't present in our life we tend to cause upsets. Often work or relationship struggles arise because we aren't in integrity with ourselves.. When we aren't being real with ourselves and others it's like having a pebble in our shoe. The pebble is in the background, getting more painful the more we ignore it. Here is where I made an important suggestion to my friend: "Hey, how about you just skip that part?" I had noticed a pattern of this limbo dance over and over again and I realized that it was simply FEAR showing up. I could see that my friend was committed to their goal AND was scared, rather than on the wrong path. I suggested that they stop questioning their commitment and instead simply face that they were scared. This might sound too simplistic, but it worked. They made the decision that next time they drifted from their commitment that they will presence their fear, recommit and move on. They would skip the part where they beat themselves up and questioned their decision. We have brain patterns, unconscious habits, that keep us stuck and we can rewire our brains by bringing awareness to these unwanted patterns and making one change. It doesn't take a lot to make a change, but it does require consistent easeful effort. Often we make things hard by pushing ourselves and losing presence. When we are on the path of a new goal, we'll have to gather our energy to initiate it, but eventually we'll be rewarded by new habits that support the life we want. It is hard enough to stay on the path to a commitment without the added stress of self criticism and questioning oneself. If you know you want something but are struggling to stay on the path, let yourself face your fear. Ask yourself what it is that you aren't facing directly. Perhaps you are scared of failing, or you don't think you have what it takes. This might turn out to be true but you'll never know unless you put your whole self in and do it in spite of your fear. And you will likely stumble and take wrong turns because making mistakes comes with trying new things. It requires courage to be willing to make mistakes in front of others and courage is something we can choose. I love what Brenè Brown writes about courage: "Courage is like—it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging." I love this and have found it to be true. I also see that the mistakes I made led to greater awareness and helped me on my path; it is arguable whether they were indeed mistakes. Here are three steps you can take to help you with new commitments: 1. Make a clear commitment. Use your full body to literally step into the commitment by stating it out loud: "I commit to________" as you physically step forward. Notice your body sensations, see if your whole body is ready for this commitment. 2. If you notice fear, remember that fear is simply energy moving through. Take three connected belly breaths, move your body in ways that feel good, and try the commitment process again. Allow yourself to play with your commitment rather than have it feel like a burden. If you notice yourself getting serious, move around, and breathe deeply until you feel connected again. Bring in some play, it's a great antidote for fear. 3. When you get distracted skip the part where you criticize yourself for wandering off your path. Remember that recommitment is part of the process. Let yourself feel whatever feelings that might arise, fear, sadness, anger, and then let your whole body recommit by stepping forward as you state: "I recommit to ______________". Sometimes we commit to something that winds up being wrong turn or dead end. I find that by using our whole body intelligence, that will become evident sooner, the more you show up. Another part of stretching towards a goal is finding a new goal along the way. It is important to hold loosely to our goals, allowing ourselves to make adjustments along the way, while learning, growing and move forward. Failing is not fun, but it sure beats being stuck in limbo, or never trying at all. What I notice is that the Universe rewards our efforts. When we show up fully, support shows up, the stars align, and the path slowly becomes easier and more clear. Stepping into a commitment is the only real way to create a fulfilling life, and though you will have to make that first step yourself, the helpers will show up and you'll begin to experience being in the right place at the right time. Try it and when your doubts creep in remember to skip that part! Michele Yasuda Sassy Visionary of Wholeness Big Leap Life and Relationship Coach www.MicheleandDean.com Thrive@MicheleandDean.com  There's a concept in improvisation that's called "Yes, And..." that I have been thinking about recently. The idea is that whatever the person you are interacting with tosses, you accept and move with, and rather than block the energy you find a way to say yes. What I have noticed is that I can use this principle in my everyday life even when the "tosses" don't feel friendly. I see it as responding rather than reacting, meeting what is happening rather than resisting, and I find it is key to experiencing aliveness. Having faced the 'toss' from the Universe in the form of COVID-19, and than facing the horror of the murders of George Floyd and other Black men and women, I am getting lots of practice noticing and feeling my resistance and choosing to turn towards what is. I'm accepting that it's time for me to face the unknown about COVID-19, and my own racism and lack of knowledge about privilege. The first action steps I am choosing are to educate myself, listen and learn. We are in complex times because the flaws in the foundation of our country when it comes to social justice are glaringly obvious. The injustice on our planet has caused an ache in my heart for so many years and I am heartened that this system of oppression and harm is coming to light. I expect that the dismantling will be messy, uncomfortable and scary and I am willing to face what comes and make changes in my own life. I have daily practices, such as belly breathing and Fear Melters® that support me in my readiness to face the unexpected with grace. I think of these tools as filling my "piggy-bank" for when I need them. I am training my body to respond, rather than react, to the unexpected. And with all that is happening in our world today, I notice that my reserves are being drawn upon daily. When we got thrown the big ole' toss from the Universe in the form of COVID-19 I've noticed how varied my responses have been. In the first couple of weeks, I felt my ability to meet the crisis with creativity and action, and I rode that wave all the way through. In the next phase, I felt a curtain come down, and my energy began to drain, and I required more rest and self-care than usual, and what I see now, is that I am not the same person today as I was pre-COVID-19. Now that we are shaking loose the hidden yet obvious racism in our country, I am glad that this new version of me is here to face this important time on our planet. She's gotten far better at the unknown than her predecessor. I know that I have much to learn. This is both exhilarating and unsettling. I am curious about how my clients, my community, and my world are moving through this time. I feel scared at the thought of facing this crisis without the tools and the practices that I have committed to in my life. I notice that some people are taking these times with grace and some have put their fighting gloves on. What I notice is that there are many who are clinging to what is familiar and don't want to see that life is new, and that change is necessary and can bring great opportunities for transformation. We have collectively stepped into the unknown in a big way and though I am deeply saddened by the devastating losses to the Black Community, and from COVID-19, I feel a spark of possibility that our planet has a chance to wake up. I know that without the consciousness tools I've learned and actively practiced, I'd probably be frozen in fear. Carl Jung taught the concept that what we resist persists, and I have found this to be accurate. Are you finding yourself fighting against wearing a mask? Are you a white person saying "I'm colorblind"? What I notice about myself is if I am pushing against something, I'm usually scared. Attempting to control our circumstances when we feel scared is a survival instinct. This is helpful when we are up against something like being trapped in a dangerous place and need to get out, but it's not so helpful when we distract ourself from what is really happening by projecting our fear onto someone or something else. If you find yourself feeling fight-y, and want to tune in with what is really happening for you, you might try the following that I learned from my work with the Restoring Resourcefulness Program: PRESENCING: 1st step: Turn fully towards what you are feeling inside right now. 2nd step: Open up your posture. Relax your jaw, uncross arms/legs. 3rd step: Breathe easily. Put your hand on your belly and release your breath while slightly contracting your belly, then blow your belly up like a balloon while you take a nice deep breath in. Practice this for a a minute or two. F.A.C.T: Now you can use a part of the F.A.C.T. process: Open to curiosity by creating a pleasant Hmmmm sound. (This is calming to our system.) and ask yourself what it is that you aren't facing fully about all of this. Keep breathing while you Hmmmm and ask yourself: "What am I not fully facing about all of this?" If you are interested in continuing your exploration of this, you can go here: for the rest of the process of F.A.C.T. Whatever you discovered, my guess is that you will create more flow and ease in yourself if you look at what is underneath your resistance to what is happening in our world right now. What I want most for myself and for our world, is for us to take this toss from the Universe and create from it. My mentor Katie Hendricks asks the question: How can you turn this into creative expression? and I love this challenge. COVID-19 and Black Lives Matter are here and our world is new. Necessary changes are happening and I am choosing to embrace them rather than cling to the old version of life. I have faced that it is time for me to educate myself about systemic racism, and then make changes and speak up. I have faced that my life doesn't look the same way that it did before our global pandemic began and I'm OK with that. I'm learning how to be with what is. And this feels like freedom to me. To be rooted in a belief system without openness to learning is dangerous and has had devastating effects on our world. If you are having thoughts like "all lives matter," please educate yourself. This is a time for looking beyond yourself. I am embarrassed to say that I said this to one of my adult children a few years ago and in one sharp sentence I was awake and grateful I raised young adults who speak up for justice. A resource about racism that I am choosing to begin my learning with is "My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending our Hearts and Bodies" and I also learned about racism from Ian Haney Lopez's work.
And please wear a mask when you are in public. I get that you might believe it is the wrong way to handle the pandemic, but this is a time for us to think beyond our own belief systems and wake to the possibility that there is another viewpoint far more important. To be rooted in a belief system without openness to learning is dangerous and has had devastating effects on our world. I am choosing to turn towards the ways that I can take responsibility and support a global movement towards creating a world that works for everyone. Will you join me? I'd love to hear what your thoughts are and how you are doing through this time - you can comment below or email me HERE. Much Love, Michele  Many years ago my uncle shared the concept of how important location is when thinking about buying a house. What I've grown to understand since, is that where I locate myself affects my life profoundly and I'm grateful for this wisdom. Whether it is surrounding myself with supportive friends or the beauty of nature, what I choose to be around matters. What I notice is that where I locate myself in my consciousness is what matters most. In fact, it's where my whole life springs forth from. Do you live in a world of Infinite Possibility or are you located in a world that tells you that you can't have the life you really desire? I commit to living from the consciousness that I want to live in, rather than one that has been imposed on me from the world around me, or hidden in the depths of my earliest learned experiences. I choose to locate myself in the field of Infinite possibility and inspire others to do the same. This choosing requires attention and recommitment, sometimes moment-to-moment. I find that having daily breathing and integrity practices support me in this journey. I feel grateful for every teacher I've had who has pointed me in this direction, especially Kathlyn Hendricks for the clarity she shares about 'location.' She speaks about how she creates spaciousness with clock-time by locating herself in space, not time. I have found this to be true. I can breathe spaciousness into my day with my perspective. If I look at my day and all I want to accomplish from a clock-time perspective, I am going to have a frantic day of rush-rush with waves of failure as the day closes and my list of to-do's is still looming. If instead I face into my day with an open heart, response-ability, and a sense of spaciousness, I can create from what is truly possible and feel a sense of accomplishment that brings aliveness and joy as I close out my day. I choose to locate myself in the field of Infinite possibility and inspire others to do the same. I see this as an art form, this way of living that feels alive and delightful. I bring myself out of being subject to the happenings of my days like a leaf whipping around in the air, and into being the master-creator of my life. I cannot control all that is happening yet I can create a sense of safety and grounded-ness that feels nurturing and delicious as I face into what is. The joy I feel in perceiving space around my activities feeds what I want to give my attention to, multiplying the ingredients that add up to the life of my choosing. I know that what I turn towards is what grows in my consciousness; and when I experience this sense of inner harmony I can gift the world with my cultivated presence. And our world is hungry for conscious presence.
"I invite you to step back and look with your artist's eye at your own life. Consider it amorphous material, not yet deliberately crafted. Reflect upon what it is, and what it could be. Imagine how you will feel, and what those around you will lose, if it does not become what it could be." Eknath Easwaran. I agree with these words and offer one slight change: Imagine how you will feel and what those around you will lose if you do not become what you can be. Is it time for you to relocate your consciousness? Your life is worth your exquisite attention. I have found this consciousness move expansive and a constant delight. What single, easy step could you take towards creating a sense of spaciousness and by when will you take it? Here are three reliable steps to locating yourself in Infinite Possibility:
Peace and Blessings, Michele Michele Roberts Sassy Visionary of Wholeness Big Leap Life and Relationship Coach Agape Licensed Spiritual Practitioner Co-Founder Michele and Dean, LLC Michele@micheleanddean.com www.MicheleAndDean.com 805)791-5095  How do I know what's true? Katie Hendricks posed this question to our leadership and transformation program last week, and I've been exploring it to some wild ends since then. I've found that I am too often under the influence of a fear-based operating system and require an upgrade.
I have my eye on OS Essence, which features joy and harmony as it's default program. That sounds good to me only I wish my upgrade could be as simple as pressing a few buttons and being patient for an hour or so. That may not be possible, but I can choose to make my upgrade as friendly as possible, and after un-buckling my seat-belt, I can enjoy the ride. So what are the essential requirements for this upgrade?
WOW, that sounds like a lot of requirements. The good news is that OS Essence will be available forever. No rush on this one. It took me years to include more and more self care and creative expression. And the great news is that each inclusion, each addition, no matter how small it seems, can bring a greater sense of harmony. Taking small steps is a sustainable model and thriving requires sustainability. OS Essence provides pathways to authentic connection with my inner self, my essence. And this makes it possible for authentic connection with my world. I feel happy thinking about this, because what is most important to me, is showing up completely for myself and my world. I think with OS Essence, I can do this. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Peace and Blessings, Michele Sassy Visionary of Wholeness Big Leap Life and Relationship Coach Agape Licensed Spiritual Practitioner Co-Founder Michele and Dean, LLC Michele@micheleanddean.com www.MicheleAndDean.com 805)791-5095  It's a funny thing, being a human. I mean, I believe that we're more than just our human form, but that doesn't always help me when I'm lost in the woods. Even though I know that there is an infinite energy for good at the helm, my human mind doesn't always use that resource very well. Lately I've felt a little lost, which is a funny thing for a life coach and licensed Spiritual Practitioner to admit. Me? Human? What?!
What I have found is that expanding out beyond my old limitations is pretty darn scary. It takes an inordinate amount of courage to stretch out past what is familiar into uncharted ground. I'd say my greatest challenge came because of two of the most awesome gifts from my Hendricks Institute training: essence pace and breathing. It was an incredible blessing to learn how to move at the pace that feels real and true for me, and how to breathe properly, which has completely rewired my system. Now when I move at my old pace, I feel rushed and stressed, which is a big NO for me since my transformation. But moving fast was all that I knew for such a long time and this new way of living is so foreign that I sometimes don't know who I am. I can feel like I’m not doing enough, not moving forward. And this makes me vulnerable to my self-critic. The old me moved through life quickly and got a lot done. I mean A LOT! The old me filled my days with as much as she could, making sure I was "working" and "moving forward" all the time. Think New-Jersey-East-Coast style: go go go go go goooooooo! This new me, she refuses to move at that pace and knows that there is enough time for whatever needs to happen. She knows that she is the creator of time in her world. But the old me still lives within, and she's quite the little rascal. She's a critic in my head saying I am not doing enough, or that I'm not focusing on the right things, and sometimes she's yelling "fire-fire!" or at least that's what it feels like. I think I'll call her Lil' Rascal from now on. A fantastic tool of the Hendricks is the concept of ‘personas.’ Lil' Rascal is an excellent example of one. Personas are aspects of our personality that we developed to deal with fear and they are often linked to how we got attention when we were young. The thing about personas is that they are really an essence quality of ours that is coming out sideways. Lil' Rascal is a messy expression of an essence quality of mine: I’m a creative thinker who can find unique ways to accomplish goals. Lil' Rascal developed when I was small, because my creative nature made me seem flaky or weird to adults around me, so she showed up to help me prove myself. The sentence I hear most in my head is "Oh that Michele" which pretty much tells the story of why Lil' Rascal is trying so hard. She never felt like she was seen as capable or reliable. I'd like to learn more about Lil' Rascal so I can understand her better. I'll use a fabulous Hendricks tool called the Persona Interview. So, Lil’ Rascal... What's the most important thing to you? "to prove myself." And what are you most proud of? "well, I get a lot done." And when did you make your first appearance? hmmmm. I'm not sure... And who did you learn your style from? "Oh, I think that would be my grandma, she never stopped and did so many amazing things for people." And what are you most afraid of? "being seen as a failure." And what do you most want? "to be seen... to succeed." After pondering this a bit, I see that I may have learned my style more from my Dad, who probably learned it from his mom. I feel more clear about how Lil' Rascal is deeply rooted in my essence - my passion for life, my creative way of seeing the world. I see that how somehow I got the idea that something was wrong with me and my way of doing things and have spent most of my life trying to prove myself. Wow. I'd like to put Lil' Rascal into retirement and that is going to take a serious commitment. She has been my constant companion for my whole life. She is so damn good at shaming me for not getting the latest post on instagram, or lagging on a commitment. "Oh that Michele" And then, there I am, feeling lost in the woods not knowing how I got there. Keeping myself out of the woods is really about recognizing Lil' Rascal's critical voice in my head and gracefully tuning it out. Maybe I'll send Lil' Rascal to the woods to keep her busy while my true essence leads me out, because feeling lost in the woods goes against my very nature. It's one thing to feel unclear and another to be lost in self-criticism. At my core is an unrelenting optimist, who sees possibility and solutions everywhere, and dang, my inner critic is like the weeds in my backyard, persistent and strong. Freeing myself from Lil' Rascal sounds like quite a fantastic idea. When my essence is leading, I feel light and free. I may walk through the woods but I'm not afraid; rather, I am looking for ways to enjoy the journey knowing that I am always in the right place at the right time. Lil' Rascal, your evil reign is over. This is my life, my journey through the woods, and if I feel like frolicking for awhile, I'm damn well going to enjoy it. Michele Roberts Sassy Visionary of Wholeness Certified Big Leap Coach Agape Licensed Spiritual Practitioner Co-Owner, Michele and Dean, LLC Michele@MicheleandDean.com
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"I dance in the Field of Infinite Possibilities and Awaken Discovery and Transformation"
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May 2023
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