What if I told you that it is possible for you to awaken conscious connection with your partner, by focusing on three new choices? Would you be willing to play?
Often the biggest blocks to creating the relationship that we want is our attachment to how it is and how it's been. Making new choices creates the space for something new to happen. We have to be willing to let go of the past and take a leap into infinite possibilities so that things can be different.
Choosing connection over being right is the first powerful new choice that you can make. It's not that you have to let go of knowing you are right, because sometimes you will be. (insert smiling emoji) The new choice is not needing your partner to agree. You are two humans with different perspectives and though it can be challenging to accept each other's perspective, letting go of needing to be right can be a huge relief.
Think about the last silly argument you had - maybe it was about who forgot to buy the lettuce. Who cares? Give your attention to what really matters. Pause right now, smile, and think of three things that you appreciate about your partner and let yourself really feel the appreciation in your body. This is a fast-track way to the connection that you are craving.
I'm not saying you should give up on what is most important to you, I'm suggesting letting go of the things that are no big deal. The big stuff can be faced and handled once you create space for connection.
Seeing life and your partner as FOR YOU is a dynamic way to shift from being at the effect of life, to being the creator of your experience. Often when Dean and I share this concept that Katie and Gay Hendricks, teach so brilliantly, people feel confused. Why would I see this person or circumstance that is annoying or hurting me as being FOR me? The simplest answer is that this shift of perspective opens us up to our full aliveness.
When I choose to see everyone and everything as FOR me, I am able to focus on how I am experiencing what life brings to me rather than draining my energy arguing with what is. Instead I come into alignment with reality and this alignment opens up space for me to learn more about myself. Most importantly I am taking healthy responsibility for how I choose to relate to life and my partner.
Here is an example: I'm super excited about an idea and share it with my partner who makes some comment that feels less than supportive. I am now at choice; I can get angry that they didn't respond with enthusiasm and project onto them, or I can take a breath, let them know I feel sad and ask for what I most want. I can ask my partner if they'd be willing to have a "do-over" and start with some positive feedback if possible.
I can also check in with my need for approval or acceptance and see if I can find a place in me that can be excited for an idea even if my partner isn't over the moon about it. This move towards endogenous living is enlivening and empowering.
Speak from your inner experience, even about the hard stuff is an important choice that brings you into the present moment. When we speak what feels true for us, we enjoy a resonance inside that calms the nervous system; we are in alignment with our whole self. I can experience fear before expressing because I was taught to 'be nice' over telling the truth, so my commitment to speaking my truth requires me to move through that fear. I choose my integrity and my aliveness over being comfortable and allow myself to express.
When we speak what feels most true to us, we can let go of the arguable "facts" and simple state what we are experiencing inside of our body. This takes us out of the "figure it out" or "I'm right" brain, into openness to discovery. What is most true is a feeling or body sensation such as; I feel my throat tightening or, I feel sad and angry. When partners open up room for each person to presence what is so for them it allows space for easy magic.
When we both put our whole selves into these commitments and attend to our whole body experiences, something new will happen in our relationship. Being successful depends on being able to come home to ourselves while we adapt these practices. Presencing techniques such as taking three deep belly breaths, and doing Fear Melters®, which are intuitive body movements that are a portal to presence, are essential pathways to success.
I highly recommend taking a big leap into these commitments and please don't expect yourself to do this perfectly. I have found that it takes many recommitments, a lot of space for messing up, and a good measure of self love and slack for your partner. The rewards are immeasurable.
The New Choices:
Sassy Visionary of Wholeness
Big Leap Coach
"I dance in the Field of Infinite Possibilities and Awaken Discovery and Transformation"
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